Restrained Elation

It struck at around 2:oopm. "Oh Mother I'm high!" I said with a smile that could not be cast down. I'd made the decision to listen intently - an unspoken thing that I do best when I'm "high". Thoughts were beautiful - pure and beautiful. A taste Christ gives me now of when I'll be with him. I know in a way they must be irritating to others, but for me, liberty. But that liberty must be held back because it's unhealthy now. The "then" Paul talks about is coming, and as a bipolar, I will "see" and "know fully", but now I'm waiting for my King. And I must restrain my elation. (i.e. take medication)

Busy?

Is it really easier to do nothing than to be busy with all sorts of somethings? I would argue that the person who finds himself doing something is more content than the person who is doing nothing. The person doing "nothing" is really working the hardest in his mind, if he is anything like me, because imediately when there's a lull he's thinking "there's got to be something to do..." and he is busier than the first.

Need for Comfort

A little girl I know stayed at my home today. She found (as all little girls do) the fluffy-white stuffed bear in my room. "My baby" she informed me, as she held it close. When she carried it, I could tell there was a struggle for her, because the bear caused her to lean back to where she couldn't see very well where she was going. When God sees us walking by faith, He gives us the comfort that we need, and that comfort may make us to seemingly walk awkwardly, blindly. It is in our best interests that way.

Battered Mind

"Ok...yes, there has got to be a way out of this...." I muse. I turn my head to focus on something or someone and then my mind wanders off to a completely different subject, like eternity. My mind rages in a spiritual battlefield. What do I fix my mind on? Truthfully I admit that it doesn't settle but on one thing - eternity. Yes, heaven, hell, demons, angels, me, you. It's a war that I can't get my mind off of even for a second. The most awful things to bear, though, when your awareness to spiritual darkness and light are plain to you, are the burdens of a battered mind because of not doing anything about it.